I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
