So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
