It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
