I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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