When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
