Where is the hickey?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
