Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
