if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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