Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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