My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
