I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
