dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
