One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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