...so i touched it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
