I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
