I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
