hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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