He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
