Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children