Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger