It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us