i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
