Whats the glycemic index on semen?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
