Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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