YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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