Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Even my vagina gasped.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
