Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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