dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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