Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
