o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
love makes seman taste better
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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