he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
