You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
