well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
