everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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