Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
