You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
