I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
