Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
