Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
