You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I want to make a zoo with you.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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