I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
