I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
