So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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