Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
