fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
