oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
