Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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