It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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