So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
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guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we're making bets on your personal life
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
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Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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