"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
