Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
