It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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