So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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