The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize