Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
