someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
