Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
