Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
