He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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