My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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