i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As shirtless as possible
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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