Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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