tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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