dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
