I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
