Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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