i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
