I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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