she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
