I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
