I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
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I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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