I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
ugly people sure do ruin things
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
