I didn't shave. On purpose
smell my finger.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
