At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
