i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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