I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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