I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
